So many people speak of the miracle of birth. I agree, it is pretty neat. The science that God created is miraculous. And I know for some that have decreased fertility or problems in pregnancy, giving birth is quite a bit more of a miracle.
I have to be very careful with how I'm going to write this post....
I am pregnant, and very excited. Please, NO ONE misunderstand me. I think as we have announced that I am pregnant, it has reminded Braegan and me of the difference in people's reactions to an announcement of a pregnancy versus an announcement of an upcoming adoption. If you talk to pretty much any adoptive parents, they will tell you, they are more excited when they hear of an upcoming adoption.
I'll tell you why.... Adoptive families have been blessed to experience a complete miracle that absolutely has no science behind it. Again, I am not judging those that have not adopted. There are things that other people have experienced, that I have not - and I'm sure they have similar feelings. Braegan and I are in group that have been able to go through both birth and adoption. We both agree that the miracle of adoption is in fact greater than the miracle of birth.
When a child has your genetic make up, it is very easy to see how he/she can develop to be just like the parents in looks and in behavior. But, when you have a child that has been adopted, that has no genetic relation to you at all, and that has been through very bad times, it is far more amazing to see them turn into a "little" you. I can't get over how similar Braegan and Nati are minus the temper that Nati doesn't have, thank goodness. :) (Braegan had a temper as a child/teenager.) The attachment that Nati and Ada had to us immediately following placement was also more than the attachment Claire had to us. Claire could be passed around immediately. I know, Claire was a newborn, that's different. But, if you really think about it, Nati and Ada had been through hell, and were able to trust us within 1 day. Try that on an adult. I remember in Ethiopia, when Ethiopian women would speak to Ada in Amharic, she would completely ignore them. When I spoke to her in English, which she did not understand at all, she would give me her full attention. How miraculous is it that two children that had been faced with so much tragedy, could grow to trust us and attach to us almost immediately? It is also a miracle to watch Nati's attitude towards the world. Oh, he can be silly and needs re-direction quite often, but he understands the hurt and heart break in the world. When we talk about the rest of the world, he understands it at such a high level. There is a sense of wisdom. It does not stop with Nati. That piece of wisdom has traveled down to Claire. She asks questions. We answer, and we can tell she is beginning to get it. A lot of this wisdom she has attained, has come through her understanding adoption. It's hard to just teach about poverty unless you have witnessed it. Claire has not witnessed it, but is very aware of the lives that Nati and Ada had before coming home. That is a miracle that she really understood it at the age of four. I love that both she and Nati have already spoken of possibly adopting when they are older.
Adoption is a miracle, because it is only out of love. Nati was older when he came home, and has many memories of his first mother. It is a miracle that he loves us the same. It is a piece of cake to love a child that was born to you. That's not a challenge at all. It's a little different to expect a child that has been through tragedies to love a new set of parents. It is also not immediate bonding for parents when a child comes into a home with habits that you are not used to. When these things are overcome, it is a miracle. Again, absolutely no science with adoptions, just love.
I love my children equally. But, I do recognize the different ways they came to us and the process of adoption is neater. Now, I know of the heart breaks of adoption with attachment and bonding problems. I'm in the adoption community, I'm not naive to this at all. I am only speaking in this blog of our experiences. I do want to say though, that I have seen issues with parents raising biological children as well.
I know this post is going all over the place, and I apologize for that.
People announce pregnancies on facebook all the time (me included). My reaction is always that I'm happy for them. Recently one of my friends in the adoption community just let everyone know that she was beginning the adoption process again. My reaction was ecstatic!!
The miracle of adoption is just that.... a miracle. The ones that have been able to experience it have received great blessings that very few have experienced first hand.
